Spam spam spam spam competition competition competition competition

Every week or so I open my spam folder and marvel at the illiterate, preposterous and often quite mystifying attempts to separate me from my money.

Here are just a few from today, selected more or less at random:

I come from a background of direct mail so I know a bit about how a marketing campaign needs only a tiny hit rate to pay for the entire enterprise.

But in direct mail, lots of skill and and money went into trying to make sure wastage was kept to a minimum. In contrast, the stuff that ends up in my spam folder seems to suggest precisely zero effort was expended on targeting, and somehow even less on messaging.

So it got me wondering what the sender’s name and subject line of a successful spam email might look like.

Have a go in the comments section. It doesn’t really matter what you’re selling. You could choose one of the above or anything from your own spam folder. The aim is solely to use your powers of persuasion and familiarity with the English language to get the reader to think that it’s a bona-fide email and click on the link. (Don’t actually include a link, we’ll have to pretend that one is there.)

Winners will be notified by email. (‘Yes, [name]! YOU have WON the spam competishun!!!!‘) Perhaps not. Perhaps I’ll just come back to this post a few weeks from now and choose one. Assuming there’s more than one to choose from.

Anyway, off you go. Your time starts NOW.